Funny Stories & Memories

You must be an Angel….

I can still see it now, walking back from a Sunday lunch at Paula’s and Clare’s in Redshank I received a text from Mr Murf.

We had all been to Tache night club the night before in Blackpool and from the content of Chris’ text he had not gone home alone.

“u must b an angel because you left your halo on my pillow”

Ah – the joy! Of all the people he could have mistakenly sent a text to he sent it to me… This was going to be fun.

“I’ve told you before, i’m a married woman” I text back.

he quickly replied  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to send that text to you”

“no shit Sherlock… u little devil!”

… Smooth


Funny Stories & Memories

Don’t Touch Me!

You might not know this but Daz and Murf were so intimate they once shared a bed.

When we lived in the caravan instead of splashing out on a B&B Daz and Murf decided to kip with us in our 12ft caravan with portaloo, water from a pump, and curtain for a dividing wall between the living quarters.

We did not get much sleep due to the fact that all night all you could hear was Murf giggling and saying ‘Don’t touch me’ and calling Daz a ‘Puff’.

Just when we thought we had all finally got to sleep he would shout ‘Innnn One!’, ‘One-hundred-and-eighty!’ or ‘and Bullies special prize’!

Me and Ste didn’t get much sleep that night… having said that we did have the champion snorer in the caravan that night as well (that’s Daz not me).



Funny Stories & Memories

The Wrath of Pat… Not so cool afterall!

Chris was incredibly cool when he was 16. He used to fashion himself on Jim Morrison, only where Jim could afford Jack Daniels he could afford Stonehouse. He was the type of renegade that was just to cool to care and no one could tell him what to do…

I remember being stood on the corner near the Video Box in Padgate – between ‘All-Sorts’ and the red phone box with Georgina, when we bumped into Chris who offered us cigarettes. I didn’t smoke but Georgie did so they sparked up and we proceeded to chat. Georgie and Chris were living the life and keeping cool – trying to pretend they didn’t fancy each other and both trying to deny they fancied me when out of nowhere we heard the sound of a bicycle bell and Pat announcing herself loudly.

‘Christopher Murphy!’

Chris immediately shoved his fag into my hand.

‘Christopher Murphy, why are you not in College?!’ Pat certainly looked annoyed.

‘I’m just on my way now’ Chris was cringing but fell straight into line.

‘Were you just smoking? You’d better not have spent that bus money I have just given you!?’

‘They’re smoking not me, i’m just on my way to get the bus now, I didn’t buy them, they’re Georgie’s, not mine’

In actual fact he had spent his bus money and was bumming around until one as let would not let you use your pass between 12pm and 1pm.

When Pat left Chris said ‘I hate that basket’ meaning the ‘Shopper’ basket on Pat’s bike.

That moment defined our relationship from there on in… I knew he wasn’t as cool as he portrayed and he knew that I knew.

I’ll never forget the first time I met Pat and the way she whipped her little boy into line – someone had too!





Funny Stories & Memories

Chris got locked into the Gypsy Tavern after Andy Farted!

Most of us will have experienced the horror of an Andy fart, but this time Andy let rip in the smallest pub known to man – ‘The Gypsy Tavern’…

In no time the pub was emptied apart from the weak and the guilty, leaving Andy and Murph to to choke on the hazardous fumes, barricaded in by the mighty foot of Ann-Marie and a cackling sidekick.

After a futile escape Murph took refuge by sticking his head out of the pub’s frosted window – which was in fact a work of art… I wonder if the window frosting is still in tact or if Murph had to lovingly restore it to it’s former glory for the housing association inspectors?

… Yes I know that’s not how you spell ‘Gypsy’ but I don’t tell you how to spell your pet’s names or the names of your pubs, and it was spelt that way on purpose because it made my cat and the pub exotic.

x Jen